


Anything You Need

by TheHuskyDragon



Series: We’re all going forward/none of us are going back [11]
Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Another chapter where Sam takes care of higgs a bit, Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Paranoia, fluff maybe? Idk I don’t usually write it, higgs wanting to lick sams blood (but not getting to), mentioned past abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:07:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22211512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHuskyDragon/pseuds/TheHuskyDragon
Summary: Higgs has never been so. damn. tired.
Relationships: BB-28 | Louise & Sam Porter Bridges, Sam Porter Bridges/Higgs Monaghan
Series: We’re all going forward/none of us are going back [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551493
Comments: 3
Kudos: 82





	Anything You Need

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter was supposed to be uploaded 12 hours earlier :,) I took a “nap”...
> 
> Anyway! I fuckin hate tagging nonporn chapters idk what the fuck to ever tag
> 
> Small warning? Towards the end of the chapter higgs talks about wanting to remove Sam’s stitches and lick the wound. Idk if that’s too much for anyone but yknow..
> 
> Title from low roar bc I had... no other song planned

Higgs has never been so. damn.  _ tired _ . 

He barely even remembers waking up. Maybe he didn’t— maybe he dreamt it. Dreamt being on a bed far more comfortable than his cot back at home, Sam taking such good care of him… keeping him warm…

Having the mask on. 

Why the  _ hell _ would he have the mask on? He sure as hell didn’t have one conjured.  _ He had to have it on? _ What did that mean? 

He wakes at random times, only for moments. At times he realizes he might be snoring, maybe drooling— which is most embarrassing. Tossing and turning when he has the energy for it. When he  _ is _ dreaming, at times it’s easier to tell, he sees his daddy.  _ Still _ alive.  _ Still _ hurting him, keeping him in the bunker until the air runs out. Till he’s forced to make his own way out like a caged animal. Either him or— or  _ Her _ . And that’s what’s terrifying. To see Her even after all this time. That’s how She contacted him in the first place, through his  _ fucking _ dreams. He didn’t want to think about Her. Or how She’d ever use him like that again. 

Sensing Sam breaks that train of thought. 

He still feels Sam, right next to him, if not still in the room. The constant tug in his chest to be as close as possible not as harsh. 

His breath halts when he remembers that Sam was stabbed.  _ Was he alright? _ He  _ had _ to be if he was here. Though, maybe that’s why he was stuck here with him. 

Because why would he want to take care of him otherwise?

He thoughtlessly snuggles into Sam’s side. Not a moment later, Sam grunts and softly pushes him away. 

Even behind the mask, Higgs can smell the sharp tang of stale blood. It makes his mouth salivate, thinking about pressing his tongue to the wound… is it stitched? If it is… the feel of the mottled skin tacky with dried blood, his body trying to fix him up…

He presses his tongue to the back of the mask and a moan slips out of his mouth and he barely realizes it, the chiralium tasting sharp and bitter. He hears a rumble from Sam’s chest, can feel it in his fingertips where his arms are wrapped around him like a snake. 

“You wake, champ?”

He mumbles a ‘no’ with his lips pressed against the mask. It’s most likely not comprehensible. Sam is so  _ warm _ , scalding almost. It feels like his skin is cooking, his lungs burning in the best of ways. 

Sam somehow is able to detangle himself from Higgs, despite his whining. 

“Hey,” Sam says, “you wanna try this Monster? Might wake you up,”

Higgs’ immediate response was  _ caffeine never did anything for me _ , but he manages to sit up anyway. He keeps his breathing even through the following dizziness. It feels like he hasn’t sat up in days,  _ weeks _ , and it terribly familiar to when he woke up on Sam’s beach…

He feels the air between the mask and his face grow moist with his labored breathing. He numbly reaches up and fumbles to take off the mask. It comes off easily, and Higgs loathes the feeling of how the lower half of his face turns cold out in the air. 

He rubs his face and jaw while he takes the half-full bottle from Sam. He’s already so  _ tired _ again, he feels like he could fall over and sleep the second his eyes close. He raises the bottle to his mouth, letting his tongue run along the rim of the bottle like he could taste Sam. 

The moment the fluid touches his taste buds , he nearly throws the can to the other side of the room. He pushes the can into Sam’s grip harshly instead, covering his mouth as he chokes down the revolting liquid. 

“Fuck Sam!” He complains, “that tastes  _ terrible _ !!”

Sam,  _ damn _ him, is laughing quietly as he takes a sip himself. As if that pure  _ poison _ actually tasted  _ good _ . 

“Augh! It’s so  _ bad _ !” He keeps on, now as awake as he can be. “How can you  _ drink _ that!?” He spits acrid saliva into the garbage can and tries not to gawk at the  _ many cans  _ already inside. He tells himself that they aren’t all from one sitting. 

He leans back on his hands, knowing that if he laid all the way back he’d most likely fall asleep. He’s— well he’s tired of  _ sleeping all the fucking time. _ But no matter what he does he still feels the tug of exhaustion try and pull his eyelids closed. He clenches his eyes shut and rubs at them hard enough to see stars. Higgs bites the inside of his cheek to stop a yawn. 

When Higgs opens his eyes, he sees that Sam had picked his mask up and is giving it back to him. 

“Why was this on me? How’d you get it?” Higgs asks. 

“Deadman said something about how your body was like… starved of chiralium or some shit.” He says between the final sips of the Monster. “And Fragile still had it.”

“She… I didn’t think she was willing to help me.” He says as he connects the mask back on. Breathing in was like suddenly breathing in clear air after being suffocated. It was freeing,  _ energizing _ even. 

Mekal sits up and looks just about as tired. It’s when he arches his back in a stretch does Higgs see the terrible crack on his mask. 

“Ohh… no, Mekal…”

He barely stands, managing to walk the short distance without falling over from vertigo. He sits down by his lion and puts his face in his hands. The BT lets out a low warble of misery. And Higgs can feel it too, can feel white hot pain striking down his face. Higgs’ breath hitches behind the mask in a sob. Mekal bows his head forwards and Higgs follows the motion, connecting forehead to chiral mask. 

A sudden shock rings through Higgs’ figure. Through his teeth till his jaw clamps closed and his body jolts. The fine hairs on his arms stand on end and he quickly blinks away any tiredness from his body. He feels strangely overwhelmed nonetheless, and he breathes deep to calm his racing heart. 

Higgs hisses out a “ _ what the fuck _ ?” The same time Sam says it louder. The taller man rubs at the tattoos on his forehead like his headache will go away. Sam stands up to walk over to him. “What just happened?” Sam asks. 

“Could ask you the same thing…” he takes off the mask and wipes away the tear tracks on his cheeks. They come back clean.  _ What _ ?

He rubs at his eyes and his hand comes back clean. Damn it. He hates having to reapply the kohl on his eyes.  _ Fuck _ !

“Well…” Higgs tosses the mask to the floor. Mekal’s mask clacks, unnaturally at the painful seam, as he paws at the object rolling on the ground. “I don’t think I’m quite tired anymore, Sammy.”

“Cool. Lets go check up with Deadman and see that everything’s in check.”

Higgs groans, “do we  _ have _ to? I just woke up,”

Sam ignores the puppy dog eyes like he’s blind, “I gotta check up on Lou anyway. Come on, he’s not that bad,”

Mekal nudges him away to get moving. Maybe he is a bastard…

* * *

Sam’s baby babbles nonsense as she plays on the floor with a handful of toys. 

Her blonde hair is pulled up with a rich blue bow, the color which matches the outfit she’s wearing. It’s plain but for lace trimmings on the ends of the sleeves and the collar. 

Multiple times does Sam have to take something small out of her mouth. It’s  _ repetitive _ , she’ll ask for something and nearly immediately tries to eat it.  _ Then why give it to her? _ Lou slobbers whether she’s trying to consume something or not. 

“Sam?” Higgs asks after a while. He makes a noise of acknowledgement as he plays with Lou. “Do you think she has DOOMS?”

“I know she does,”

“... you do?”

“She can still sense BTs. Better than me after being removed from the pod, even.”

_ Right _ . Higgs had almost forgotten that Sam was a BB himself. He vaguely remembers that the chance of the baby living after being removed was  _ extremely low. _ Though, that’s what that cross scar on his stomach was, wasn’t it? That’s how Sam and Her are so connected. 

“Then— if she’s not with you, how do you do deliveries?”

Sam watches Lou stand and walk (“ _ walk _ ”) to another pile of toys containing various plushies of sorts. “I did deliveries just fine without her. Honestly I think I can, like—“ Sam waves his hand as he ties to continue, “sense them better? I got more of a feel for em,”

Higgs has always been incredibly sensitive to BTs and chiralium. Even before his level was jacked up. It was only till he killed his bitch of an uncle that he realized the many ways he can use his sensitivity. 

The thing is… he can sense that Lou is powerful. More than Sam. And, well  _ shit _ , probably close to Higgs himself. The thought kind of scares him; a literal baby having power like that at her fingertips…

Lou notices Mekal before either of the adults. She takes her saliva-coated hand out of her mouth and yells, “kitty!” Before making her way to the lion. 

Mekal comes up from behind Higgs who's been sitting on the floor. He headbutts Higgs in the back hard enough to knock him forward before dragging the side of his body along Higgs’ arm, walking towards the child. 

“She… knows Mekal,”

“Of course,” Sam says,  _ completely unbothered. _

“Mekal is a dangerous animal, Sam.” He urges. He grabs onto his long tail in an attempt to stop him. The limb slides out of his grip. 

“So are you. That, and he’s never laid a, er, claw on her. She loves him,”

Higgs can  _ see that _ , but he’s still worried. Mekal was trained,  _ built _ for death, he’s a Catcher after all, and he’s strong. One wrong movement… and especially with how Higgs’ body had reacted upon touching Mekal’s mask?  _ That’s _ never happened before, not at that extent. And to think what would happen if Lou had a chiral overdose. Higgs is deeply uncomfortable at these thoughts. 

But… nothing is happening. Mekal flops on the floor and rolls onto his back, deceivingly inviting. Lou takes the bait and lays her hands onto his belly with a  _ plap _ . Mekal jumps and twists, curling himself until he’s wrapped Lou up in a large, black tangle of tar. She’s giggling all the while, letting out fun noises of protest when Mekal very,  _ very _ softly kicks her stomach with his back paws as he holds her close with his fore paws. It seems like it’s tickling her more than anything, and her giggling continues. 

Sam’s chuckling too, a low even sound trailing its way into Higgs’ ears like music. He sighs, his nerves quieted. He never thought he’d be afraid to use his “ _ gift of god” _ . Not like this. 

He never thought he’d have to watch over a  _ real baby.  _

Higgs muses that it takes a village to raise a child, as he’s seen various Bridges members watch over and play with her. They all love her… everyone coos how adorable she is, how much she’s growing. Pinching her fat cheeks as she giggles. 

Higgs is  _ not _ jealous. He is a grown man who doesn’t need praise from fellow adults. 

“What stick is up your ass?” He hears Sam ask. Higgs feels the crease in his brows release, feels the tension in his jaw loosen. 

“I don’t want him to hurt your child. Is all,” he replies, definitely not uptight. He crosses his arms. 

Mekal stands up, stretching his back down before sitting up again. His mask cracks open and he snags the back of Lou’s onesie like it’s the nape of her neck. Higgs smiles as he lifts her up, leaving her flailing inches off the ground. He trots over to Sam, letting Lou down in his lap. Sam’s face of surprise is  _ priceless _ , confusion clear as the lion walks away. He  _ clearly _ has better things to do. 

“You do that?”

Higgs blinks, “Me? No, I can barely command him myself.” He says, “he  _ is _ food driven, though, but the only thing he can eat is…” 

“People,” Sam finishes. Higgs nods. 

* * *

Higgs has the displeasure of seeing Deadman later. He isn’t sure what the large man is busy with, but only a few hours after he’d woken did he get to see him. 

“Mr. Monaghan… or do you prefer Englert?”

Higgs can’t help the half smirk that travels across his face. Ah, that was probably one of his favorite personas… coming up with long messages to convince his  _ Dear Sam Bridges _ ... though impersonating a Bridges employee was fun in and of itself. 

“Monaghan, please.” Higgs replies. 

Deadman types quickly into a tablet in his hands. After a moment, he sets it down and holds out his hand. “If you would give me your hand?” He says, pointing towards the cuff-burdened wrist. 

Higgs arches a brow and extends it. The man unlocks his own cuff and puts it around Higgs’ wrist. A moment later, the tablet on the table chimes happily. 

“That should be it, really. Though… why don’t you have your mask on?”

Unconsciously, Higgs’ hand comes to cover the bottom half of his face. “I don’t need it anymore. I’m not sure what happened, but I think Mekal ah,  _ shocked _ me awake.”

Deadman’s eyes are glued to the fluorescent screen. “That is  _ odd _ . Your chiral levels are almost back to normal…” he goes silent for a moment. Higgs shifts his weight to his other heel. Waits patiently. “Well!” He eventually starts again. “I’ll keep monitoring you. Expect some ups and downs in your wakefulness. Worse case scenario, you’ll have to wear the mask for extended periods of time.”

Higgs was only half paying attention at this point, bored of the other man in the room. He turns at the heels and leaves, barely remembering a farewell. 

  
  
  


“How was that?” Sam asks later, bouncing Lou on his leg. “Didn’t take long,” 

Higgs is  _ itching _ to do something other than sleep and eat. That is what he’s  _ bored of _ . He wants to do  _ something _ . He would like to get fucked, but he’s positive Sam wouldn’t agree with his child.  _ Fuck _ !

“Boring,” he grouses. “How can you put up with him?”

“He’ll grow on ya. It took me connecting America to be able to stand him.”

Higgs sees Sam smile fondly at the memories. How could he do that? Think of the horrific things he went through that way. Higgs didn’t help making it better. 

“Then it’s not worth it.”

“Can’t be enemies with everyone here. Oh… also, you should probably take the ‘void out’ insignia off your cape. Doubt too many people see that as part of Bridges.”

Higgs opens his mouth to say  _ it’s not a cape! _ but decides against it. Instead, saying, “that shouldn’t be difficult. Or any other prints that  _ liken me  _ to a terrorist.”

“And you aren’t one? Anymore?” Sam asks, like he was having Higgs take a damn survey. Hasn’t he asked that before?

“I never liked being one anyway. All my disciples were idiots.”  _ Well… most of them _ . Despite his answer, Sam is still  _ looking _ at him, like he didn’t respond at all. “ _ No _ , Sam,” he insists, annoyed, “I am not a  _ fucking _ terrorist anymore. You happy? Want me to say the pledge of allegiance, too?”

“Don’t cuss around Lou,” Sam chuckles. “Wouldn’t expect that much of you. I probably couldn’t even remember the whole thing.”

Sam’s smile drops. 

“I don’t think Die-Hardman knows you’re here,”

Higgs blinks, “ _ how _ ? I’m part of your damn systems,” he says, raising his cuffed hand in emphasis. “He’s the  _ fucking president. _ ”

“Fwucin’ Pweeeesident,” adds Lou. 

Sam sighs, “That’s right Lou. It’s not hard to keep things from him.” Which is  _ great _ , he can’t  _ wait _ to be called into the president’s  _ goddamn office _ and be told his ear off how  _ he’s not allowed _ . Or how he’ll be put in prison forever. Which forever would truly be that—  _ forever _ . Considering he’s a repatriate. And with the need for chiralium slowing his aging…

No. That’s just worse case scenario. Sam wouldn’t let them put Higgs in jail. 

“Would you let them put me in jail?”

“Huh? Course not. They wouldn’t do that if I’ve got you with me.”

Higgs finds himself doubting Sam. 

His trail falls to Lou, still happily occupied by Sam. Which Higgs  _ isn’t _ . And Higgs definitely  _ doesn’t _ wish Lou was not present at the moment. No, he’s— he’s not  _ jealous _ . Oh, but to feel Sam’s hands on him… even just innocent touches… Sam takes so naturally to being with Lou, but so dubious with Higgs. Which is odd… didn’t he have a wife? Or was that before he’d got his aphenphosmphobia? Well that can’t be right…  _ She _ had mentioned before that he’d had it ever since he was born. 

Higgs bites his tongue to resist asking him more questions. 

“I’m so fucking bored,”

“Go do some deliveries.”

That really probably was the only thing he could do. And he would have plenty after being out for so long… damn it all. 

“I suppose I could get materials to remove the prints,” he stands up. 

“Bring it back here?”

“Course,  _ sunshine _ ,” he says with an over-the-top wink and pursing of his lips. “Couldn’t stand to be away from you too long.” Seeing Sam’s reddened face from the name is all he needs to be set on his way. 

* * *

Higgs leaves the door of his bunker open. Mainly for the light, partially to air out the stagnant air. Perhaps his least favorite smell, too many memories in old, stale air. He sits on the bare cot and wonders how the hell he ever slept on a thing like this. Sam’s own bed, as small as it was, even had  _ blankets _ . 

In the back of his mind he remembers the sharp tang of Sam’s blood. Higgs rubs his fingertips together and imagines in great depth what the stitched up wound would feel like,  _ taste _ like. Feeling the textured, broken skin. What the old blood would taste like… he wants to tear out the sutures himself, lick into the wound and see how far in his tongue would go. 

Ohh… and the  _ noises _ Sam would make. Little choked off groans and gasps. Breath trembling with his body… the way his blood would pool in his mouth, drip out of the wound and on his chin. 

Higgs sighs to himself before getting up. He doubts Sam would let him do that… not  _ that _ far. And Deadman would have to re-stitch him up. Wouldn’t  _ that _ be a conversation. He wants to see their expressions when he’s blunt with them, telling him exactly how it happened. 

He doesn’t have enough materials to remake his shawl and he’d  _ really rather not  _ order them himself. He’s fairly certain with enough elbow grease and the emulsion remover, the prints would come off… he’s never tried it but if the remover isn’t too old…

He finds the screen he’d used to put the prints on in the first place, but no ink or emulsion. That’s  _ fine _ actually…  _ probably _ . For now. 

He takes a few pictures of Sam before he leaves. 

**Author's Note:**

> I’m talking out of my ass w the emulsion n shit bc that’s the only way I know how to make prints from my graphic arts class. Emulsion remover does not smell good. And doesn’t work as well over time
> 
> Tumblr is Higgs-the-god! I love hearing y’all liking this fic T.T it brightens my day up. Leave a kudos and comment
> 
> Also I’m so sorry I don’t reply to every comment! I’d get horribly repetitive in most of them but!! Please know I enjoy reading every single one. It encourages me to continue writing this


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